LIFE: What it's like

It's like I have to sing this really low note... it's so low, I can't even let off a hint of a sound. It hurts so much.

Then to make matters worse, I find myself still hopeful, still willing. I know people around me are right, A was full of bullcrap, totally played me and undeserving for setting me aside as if I'm a pawn that has no place. I know I'm wrong for thinking I need to understand because that's just who I am. I needed to see things through for us; but then the abyss echoes off my sadness to the point that it grows louder as I try my best to overcome the confusion.

Video's a bit weird haha

This isn't the first time A got rid of me. This however is the first time I stopped fighting for our relationship alone. The last I heard from A was that we should spend time together text, a bit arrogant and complacent. I wish A was a bit more humble to deserve my being "forgiving"; but I guess A's pride was worth more. I'm afraid I am starting to hate A not because of the damage she had done but because of who she chose to be with me. Just when I thought I'd always hate the sin, not the sinner...

to the point of not just knowing that I deserve better, but knowing I deserved none of the shit.

Then I find myself wishing A would fight for me because because because no one's going to love her like I do.

Then I start hating her again because she didn't just break my heart. She broke my peace of mind which of all people, she knows, was hardest for me to have had.

These songs remind me of how A used to be willing too. Then my friends (and personally I) welcome thoughts of maybe there's someone else. To the point of not knowing why or where or which pain I should first embrace.

To the point that I need to see things through for myself--and be selfish too.

Think bright. Smile a lot. :)

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