Perfect for who

Recently, I keep on finding myself surrounded by marriage bliss.

I've been reading articles, of celebrity couple weddings. I've been enjoying said articles even. I've been checking out wedding gowns, with Vera Wang securely at the top spot.

In my defense, I haven't searched for the perfect ring... nor have I ventured into looking for the perfect pair of wedding bands. But I think I know what I want for those jewelries. If I'm to wear them forever, I want those jewelries to pass two things:

1. It doesn't have to be expensive, but it has to be classic enough for my grand daughter to never have a reason to holler, "whoa, what were you thinking?!"
2. It's not yellow gold.
Anyway, I find it completely surreal that I have been under such moon lately. If I continue to allow myself go adrift like this, next thing I know, I'm already devouring wedding magazines like an obssessive b*tch doing laundry.

Every single person I know are either in failing relationships or are enduring the aftershocks/side-effects of a "nearby" failing relationship.

I know not a single happily married soul, or maybe if I do, I don't know that they're happily married. Eitherway, bottomline is I don't know anyone who I can peg as, that. I want to be that.

I know that of all people, I shouldn't be one to talk about the ills of breaking a promise. I myself have my share of promises broken, or worse, forgotten.

I believe in the technicality that a promise is not broken if it faded. For example, if I promise to love you forever, but we end up growing apart, my promise to love you forever was not broken. I believe in the said technicality because I think Change is inevitable but Change does not happen to deliberately challenge promises.

For all it's worth, this is for those who don't get the logic of my technicality, I'd rather have a promise "broken" than to let it persist as a lie.

Promises, when given sincerely, should be taken as they are, in the moment of its sincerity. I know that a huge part of the meaning and value of promises lie in its ability to withstand time, I don't disagree with that, but I still think and would like to insist that promises do not mean any less if they end up shattered to pieces, or if I may still say, fade away.

Despite all this blabber, I still feel sad that I know not a single soul who is happily married. I would love to meet a couple, both with thinning hair, still look at each other with love and compassion as if the years were but minutes apart.

I always thought, still think, I'm not the marrying type. Maybe it's a bit schizophrenic-al of me to require that I meet and get to know married (successfuly, preffered) couples (or people, if their partner's already dead) before I ever decide on marrying. I don't know what you think about this, but I think, if I do get engaged, it'd be a long engagement because I would have to do my research!

Or not, if I'm in a wreckless romance, yet again.

Seriously, I couldn't care less if I get married in a basement, long as I know my literature.

I don't feel the need to be married anyway, so if I were to do something I feel I don't need, yet doesn't feel like a luxury, I want to do it as I am: with an academic approach: critical and thorough.

Recently, I have been surrounded by a lot of marriage-related things, probably by my own doing or by fate's own little conspiracy to make a fool out of me. And I wonder, where are the happy couples?

Before, my tito told me, I have never been in love because I told them that if I were ever to be in a fight with my partner, say in a mall, if I walk out, I walk out.

But I know I have been in love. Because if I haven't yet, I'd love to be convinced with that claim.

It would be nice to know that my heart was just hurt, not taken away.



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