Wandering Star

Lately, all I've been doing is "wondering". A side step from fable dreams, I wonder. I think of different things done differently, it's quite stressful, entertaining, inspiring, frustrating... it's a two-faced ordeal.

It all started with something small. The difference is whether it grew big or older.
Lately I've been questioning myself, my maturity and my ability to perform according to my standards, better if possible. I used to think like I'm this big thing that's just waiting to happen but now I am wondering, am I just a big thing? I sometimes feel really delayed. I understand that self-realization is a process that need not be rushed; however, my human nature calls upon my impatience. Besides, if this life is really just borrowed, then it is but mature to think that we all don't have the time to waste.

My shameful admission is that sometimes I blame my failure/failures to my "insufficient" beauty.
What is enough anyway? Is an undefinable "enough" a definite sign of greediness, or what? Without meaning to sound boastful or anything, but I've always felt confident. I've always known myself as a go-getter and to compare myself to a children's story, my life motto is basically The Little Train that Could; however, recently my frustration's been getting to me and I feel like I need to find not an outlet, but a source of more talent, or wit, or beauty, or spunk. I just don't feel enough and I think I won't stop feeling that way until I find myself something, something more special than the usual special things I know I have.

Lost in a world of arrows, I am.
I don't know. I've been spending a lot. I feel like this whole "wondering" thing is the culprit.


This post was supposed to be a beauty post about a nice Massage Oil find... in a later post, promise.